5 Characteristics And Traits Of Selfish People

Many a times we come across people who are hard to forget. Well, not always because they are helpful or bequeath us with some wonderful experiences, but sometimes because they give us unforgettable awful experiences with their utterly bad behavior and selfish characteristics.

 

Though, we hardly expect everybody to be good and helpful to us, we don’t even expect that people use us for their benefits and behave in a manner to make us feel low or worthless. We don’t expect that people should help us in return for everything we do for them, but we do expect that people would at least notice and weigh our efforts made to help them and not just take our efforts as granted.

 

Despite this, we still come across people who are mean, arrogant, egotistical and selfish. Encounters with such people leave us feeling hurtful and used to a great extent. Moreover, if one is a sensitive person with a soft heart, then such associations might give them hard-to-forget, distressing experiences. One or two such experiences would surely leave us flabbergasted and we would wish to stay away from such people in the future.

 

Though it is not easy to recognize a selfish person immediately, they possess some particular traits and some peculiar characteristics. We can keep ourselves off-hook if we know their baiting traits.

 

·        All selfish people display a very uncaring attitude and a strong “Me first” trait.

 

A very peculiar and common trait which all selfish and conceited people possess is that they always put themselves and their needs on the forefront. They only give heed to their priorities, their goals and in the process would not think of anyone else, not even about those who might be really needy than them.

 

When it comes to getting their needs met and their work done, they would turn a deaf ear to the necessities of others. Such selfish people do not believe in the “Live and Let Live“ philosophy, constantly putting their own needs and desires first, they just live for themselves.

 

A selfish person would view others only as a means to get what they want. They have a have tunnel vision which starts from and leads to themselves and their personal needs alone.

 

·        Another trait which selfish and conceited people show is being manipulative, scheming and plotting most of the times.

 

This trait arises from the fact that selfish people are driven by the fear of loss of control. They therefore become very manipulative and scheming. They tend to control everything by maligning someone’s reputation or by misrepresenting things.

 

Selfish people have a great inherent desire to control situations and people and are unwilling to reach compromises with others. To get their own way they would down cast others and debase anybody’s reputation.

 

·        Another conspicuous trait which all conceited and selfish people display is of being calculative and accumulators.

 

Oscar Wilde, the Irish writer, poet and prominent aesthete, has expressed this demeaning selfish trait in such beautiful words, “There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”

 

This selfish characteristic gives people a grave tendency to hold and hoard things to themselves.

 

It becomes difficult for such people to part with even simple things like their time and efforts, leave aside important things like money. They would hoard all the resources to themselves and would not share it with anyone even if those resources would go wasted and depleted.

 

They would never think of sacrificing anything for anybody and in case they do it some time they would expect a lot in return. Insecurity might be the reason behind this base characteristic the selfish people display. They feel it is their right to receive from others but never feel obliged to return anything.  Selfish people behave in this manner because they don’t know how to balance giving with taking.

 

 

·        Low self esteem is another characteristic displayed by selfish people that gives them a negative outlook towards life and making them contemptuous of others in general.

 

This negative trait towards everything makes them bad team players as they always try to pull down others with their remarks, actions or suggestions.

 

They find it hard to motivate and inspire people because they themselves lack motivation and the drive to look ahead in life. This characteristic makes them unpopular in a team and a misfit at group tasks.

 

·        A selfish person is highly self centered and self obsessed.

This trait makes them see or hear no one else. They become bad listeners and give little or no consideration to what others have to say. They are inconsiderate and have little or no room for compassion. They would cut off conversations and bring the focus on themselves.

It becomes their earnest desire to be seen and heard more than anyone else making them oblivious to the opinions, suggestions and advices of others. All the conversations they indulge in pertain and turn back to themselves.

Looking at the traits and characteristics selfish people possess, one thing becomes obvious that selfish people do not need your contempt. You surely have to keep yourself shielded from their negativist traits but you don’t need to run from them.

All of us are selfish to some extent, but when the traits and characteristics go beyond control they make us selfish down to the core. Selfish people are ridiculed and downcast by the society in general.

A big non-selfish and selfless trait would be to understand such people and help them out of their selfishness and greedy attitude by accepting their presence, although cautiously.  

Of course be careful not to fall in the trap of their cagey attitude, but by not ignoring them and remaining unfazed and unaffected by their damaging, detrimental and calculating behavior, you might help a selfish person understand the value of selflessness. You never know, how greatly your selfless approach can help a selfish person reform into a kind, loving and unassuming soul.

The thought is so rightly put forth by James Allen, the philosophical writer, “The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; So ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; Selfishness by Love.”



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69 Comments

  1. Thank you for this article. And I would definitely agree with you, what is written in this article is 100% right. I lived and currently living with selfish people who indeed posses all these turn off characteristics, and allow me to add 1 : Mean. It is the sad truth and living with them is really bad for a person emotionally and psychologically as they tend to put people down and over control and just has no job but interfere in others lives and cause problem. They do not know the philosophy of life or how to live right thus what a great loss for them. A person who suffers from selfish people around him should be strong and put them back to their limits in order for them not to exaggerate with their selfishness. On the other hand their are other people who have great personalities and know how to live life happily and they are a good role model to follow. How great is the feeling one gets after doing charity work, or help a person in need, no feeling is more satisfying and overwhelming than that feeling. Let’s live and let live people.

  2. Amit

    October 10, 2010 at 6:39 am

    Thanks for such a great observation related to selfish people. Yes, its hard to live with mean people but thats hard truth.

  3. Hello there! :)
    This is so funny, I was googling my name and just found my pic in this article about SELFISH PEOPLE!!!   LOL
    How come? I'm not selfish!
    Hahaha! Why meeeee? Why did you choose me? haha
    ;p
     
    xoxo

  4. Amit

    October 14, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Myriel

    Selfish…………Not You at all.

    It is the expression. The teasing expression that one should give to selfish people………

    In all i have used this expression in a mocking way directed towards all those mean and selfish people in this world. Life rocks………and who care about them

    By the way……….thanks for the pic…….one of the best shots i have ever seen.

  5. Great article. What you wrote is mostly right about the selfish people I know. Unfortunately, these people are some of my family members. As to helping them see that there selfish ways are wrong, I have lost hope. Selfish people simply can not be helped. It's part of their permanent trait that will stay with them for as long as they live.

  6. why are you even googling yourself?
    says alot…

  7. I hope you look back to this when you're wiser and reflect on this.

  8. Are the people described here selfish, or are they just more powerful within the social hierachy than the others? Isn't the conflict between society and the individual really at the base of this discussion? Are the others selfish or just not meeting your self-defined needs? Examine why it is you feel hurt by those you label "selfish."
    Also, I wanted to mention that accumulators, gatherers, collectors, what have you, can have many psychological issues at the base of this behavior beyond selfishness.
    The phrase "ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge" is like saying blindness can only be cured by sight. The phrase just restates the obvious. And what is with the capitalization of Knowledge? Reminds me of the people that can't write the work god without a capital G.

  9. Thank you for your very perceptive and helpful article.  Yes, I must agree, unfortunately, with "Observer", that there is a meanness which seems to be such a part of these people.  I have been married for 22 years to a man who, from the beginning, acted in so many strange ways that I just could not understand what was happening.  We are still married because we have two children (14 and 16).  We do not argue in front of them and we try to provide a secure family life for them.  Whenever I am forced to deal with my husband's selfishness, I am still stunned by it.  I call it his "non-negotiable egotism".  It is frequent shouting and complaining, deliberate manipulation and wounding words and actions.  I have been at the end of my rope too, too many times.  THANK YOU for the opportunity to express my thoughts on this topic, and to share a little bit about my own experience.  I believe that in time, with God's strength, I can deliver myself from this daily hell.  It is simply a question of when they will graduate from high school and begin to manage their own lives.  Until then, they are my priority and I must stay here.  More than my own happiness or fulfillment in life, I want them to be equipped and able to go forth toward their dreams.  But it is very, very difficult–every day, and I try very, very hard to prevent the problems with my husband from affecting my ability to be a good mother.   Thank you again–you do God's work.  God, the Great Spirit, the Universe bless you always.  
    Forestlover

  10. amen to all the comments; live work, serve around some selfish individuals who only thrive on what they need, want and can take from other peope. 

  11.  
    yes astra, i'm in the same boat as you; doing it for the kids; husband is emotionally abusive, always finding something wrong, ie this is out of place, this isn't back in it's place, every f**kg day is something else, and I've tolerated this without realizing he was emotionally abusive til i got some professional therapy she brought that to my attention. 
    i was hoping i can help someone from the same pain and hell that i have been through wishinhg this on no-one–but he cohorted with his mistress and got me now a criminal record.   I feel sick and in pieces everyday; i ask for God's strength or I wouldn't be here right now.   He was a laborer, construction worker, dirty and now i've prepped him to make six figures and think he's tiger woods…going to massage palours, while depriving me of any intimacy–it's a nightmare–i would second guess myself and be in denial that he was not capable of something so malicious. 
    I would like to get out of this misery once in for all.  Someone please help me!

  12. This is a great article and well said! I have family members like this and when you turn the tables on them and give them a taste of their own medicine, they call you selfish! It's almost hysterical. I have basically cut off those family members and openly ignore them when I am in the same room as them. I have too many other positive people in my life to tolerate that crap.

  13. I am working and trying to cope with such kind of people, but it is quite hard . they don’t just understand how other people wont adore them. I like your advice. We shall try to beat them in their game with a lot of love

  14. Yeah we are all selfish. If someone is selfish all the time it’s not for others to judge but to accept them and love them. If a person won’t accept this trait then that’s their choice. We are all free to choose our friends, and so on.

  15. Astra and Adeline I feel for you both I know exactly what you are going through I was with someone for 16 years who was a selfish B and I ended up having an affair which ended our relationship and I should have known better and stayed on my own with my children but nn foolish me, out of the frying pan into the fire, I have ended up with another selfish, controlling, manipulative man, how stupid am I! I have been with this guy for 4 years now thinking maybe he will change, he has times when he is charming and lovely but more often than not he is horrible, the last month has been awful and I feel tired and worn out and I feel worthless too but I don’t know how to get out, I am afraid to get out and I don’t know why! I know I would be better off on my own, not having to answer to anyone and not having someone put you down but I just don’t know what to do. This article is so true and I don’t agree Chollie, it’s not a hierachy thing at all there are so many people like this out there and I for one should know to avoid them! If I ever get out of this relationship I will stay well clear and be selfish myself and do what I want without anyone elses say so!

  16. Hi I can identify with the article; I have had several selfish people in my life. They cannot even allow you finishing what you are saying without bringing the conversation back to themselves everything crisis wise that has happened to you
    is nothing compared to what they are suffering! But one thing you do not mention
    surprise is that their biggest weapon in their armoury is sulking, not wanting to talk about it, you have to prize it out of them, only to then be taken in by their good guy bad guy story and they will pull the faces and put on the nasty voices of the other, and they only going about their business so innocent that by the end of it you are ready to do battle for them. But later thinking this does not add up. Its all
    goodies and baddies with these people and they always the martyr etc. You have to watch for them at the workplace as they are two way spies and they suck up to the boss etc. They want all the info on you when you start work there, they are so friendly but only to get the gist of you inorder to manipulate you and get your ideas etc. Yep sulking is great for them, and you have to watch them when they pick up the phone to your relatives etc as their silence and sadness and not wanting to talk about it its in order to cheapskate you my dear. Be warned. I do not know how they canoodle people. But the selfish people I know never actually did any work but the whole world knew about it without they saying a word. They spend inordinate amount of time sitting and scheming and doing actually no work but getting other people to do it for them. Another trait you do not mention you can never give them good news you actually see their face fall and then you do not hear from them for ages. They tell everyone else your business so you meet actual strangers to you but their friends and they know all your business more than you. Another thing they never commiserate with you about great tragedies in your life they just remain silent, but then dine out on others on how sorry they feel for their friend (do they hell) they just want to look good. There is nothing they will not exploit and even stuff hanging around your home they will requisition as if doing you a favour. When they have visitors they will actually offload the visitors on you at meal times to feed. And they will turn up themselves only at meal times.
    I think they actually hate people with a heart, they have to despise them, as the thought to them of someone having something they do not they cannot bear so have to translate it into contempt and hatred. Also they are so lazy and give their children nothing either their children grow up hating them and then when you see these people later they always have some disgusting excuse for their childrens behaviour. There is never self doubt with them. They do tend to get married to some fool that they can exploit for their own needs beware.

  17. Your article is 100%right on there are more selfish haters people in this world than ever before they seem to forget at one time or another someone helped them threw hard ti
    timesttimrand
    When giving came back to help it was not thete

  18. I’m dealing with this within myself. I may not be selfish down to the core. But I can come across inadvertently as such. Especially with the demons from my past. Thanks.

  19. I totally agree with this article. The sad thing about it is when you know someone who has a young child who displays most of these traits. Imagine what that child will be like as she gets older.

  20. Jacqueline Hines

    May 15, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    This is all so familiar. I live alone, and with me it is a friend. She talks non stop, and everyone in her conversations was “Director” of this or that, or within the inner circle of people like Donald Trump and once talked about a friend of a friend who was an ambassador no less. If I start to speak, she interrupts to take off on a story that may last more than thirty minutes. She lengthens her stories (of course to retain control of the conversation) by including minute details like exquisite directions to a home or office of one of the many characters involved in her story. I am almost eighty years old. I have few friends and little social life, so I tolerate this woman. If I happen to have something on my mind that is worrisome or something I am having concerns about, if I call her, she launches into a lengthy non stop story without giving me a chance to speak. When I finally get a word in edgewise, after one sentence, she interrupts and takes off on yet another story filled with minute, unimportant details that have nothing to do with her yarn. Sometimes she describes clothing, habits, possessions, station in life and you name it about these people she claims to have known. And there are so many involved in any given story, I keep having to ask her which character she is talking about. When I was young, I rode horses for many years, up until after I was seventy five. I also was an amateur trainer. There are pictures on my walls of me on different horses I have ridden and trained over the years. Of course, her best friend was a horse trainer in Kentucky. (She lived on a dairy farm.) I had no idea horse trainers conduct training sessions with all the required equipment on a dairy farm. Oh well, I guess she is better than nothing.

  21. my family and friends are always calling me selfish. I know what selfish means but never really thought anything of it until more and more people began to call me this bad word. Reading this article has made me realize that i am indeed a selfish person but I think i can change my ways before it is too late. Thanks to whoever wrote this article. you have opened my eyes..I dont wanna be this way anymore.

  22. I have a daughter who is completely selfish. What is completely right in this article is to be inconsiderate. She can see me ill and unable to walk and asks for favors. Is she blind? In a way she is… She is completely blind to others needs. I have gotten to the point that I don´t give a damn about her or her life.I´m glad she lives by her own. This kind of people can finish with all types of love. She is also controling, abusive and GRRRRRRR! I don´t know if ther´s a selfish ADN, trait but I think it should be taken out and expelled from humanity.

  23. I have been married to this man that I have never understood, so opposite to me. Its all about him, I have basically brought up our children single handed. As he was too involved curving his career and his life. Over the years you learn to strengthen and deal with their selfish behaviour but focus more on your own wellbeing and happiness and become very independant to the point where you dont like being in the same house or sharing time together as it always has a negative ending. My eldest daughter who is now 30 has only just started to stand up to him, before everyone use to be on edge when he was in a mood but now we just ignore and carry on with what makes us happy.

  24. There are far too many selfish people around these days. Its all about me me and me. Are people forgetting to treat people as they would like to be treated and its very rewarding to help another person even just listening to them.

  25. Hi there,

    I agree totally with all that you say and, in particular, agree that we can all be selfish at times. I, for example, have noticed that when I am having a conversations with someone I quite often direct the conversation back to my subject, although I am working to correct this. I don’t think I have any of the other traits though, definitely not manipulation.

    In answer to what chollie said, I agree that these selfish traits exist because of the social hierrachy power structure. The point is there should not be a hierrachy; we are all equal and should all be treated equally and we should all treat others as equals.

    On a sidenote, the reason why people capitalise God is out of respect.

  26. I love this article. I agree when you say that there are times when we can all be selfish, there are and I agree with that wholeheartedly. Sometimes I can be but that tends to be to the point where I have nothing to give and I have to put myself first or when I have put others first for way too long to the detriment of myself or I have burnt on more than one occasion.

    At this moment in time I’m having to deal with that in family members and a certain one in particular, who thinks it’s ok to help out and then want some big time reward for helping out that is near impossible and not even logical plus they have taken advantage where they were not suppose to and have now pulled out of an arrangement that wasn’t even suppose to have been made in the first place.

    I find the selfishness to be amazing and something spectacular to see as in a way you get to see someone’s true colours as ugly as they look.

  27. I have this assosicate I do not believe she is a friend. first I am not perfect I to have things in my life that are not right , but I ask God for forgiveness and try to obey his word. About seven months ago I allow a young lady to come into my home. She stayed with me for a month or so. I would help her with a lot of things but ever time I asked her for her help or even to just listen she was always tied or the subject always become about her. She only seems happy around me when she get what she wants. She is from Nigera and she knows little about being on her own. She is also arguing about the smallest things like words I use like bully, nasty, etc… but I use them to decribe things. My pastor said one night the same person you help will turn and hurt you. He was preaching a lesson but I believe it went to me. This lady shows all of the characteristics of a selfish person. But in my heart I want to believe for the best. May be it is just time to say good bye but she will always be in my prayers. We may not agree with the way someone acts or treats us but we must pray for them. Someone pray for us even in our mess!!!

  28. Yes I too am struggling daily with ‘turning the other cheek’ what God says to do and forgive your enemies. OMG, wt*? it’s really, really hard. Picture a bully pounding you day in and day out. You have a chance to finally return the ‘punch’;
    what do you do? he won’t stop til you do–so is this ‘revenge’ or is it ‘standing up for yourself’?

    any thoughts would be appreciated. btw, it’s not ‘physical’ it’s just a payback sort of thing so he can maybe see and feel what he’s done to me.
    It’s a matter of reporting him and filing papers (nothing illegal)…

    Thanks for your help guys God bless!

  29. Yeah, This article is Absolutely 100% Right. But I know the Person who is more than selfish, Actuelly He is Narcissist (NPD) person but no one could understand his personality trait of mind twisting trics, strategy, ploying for getting our all resources and when it comes to empty then throw us into dump yard.

    I know one elder person who is Narcissist, but I deploy my own tric to speak with him on His Language when I Understood.

    Thanks of Excellent Observation.

  30. A selfish person will always find a compassionate person to hold on to in order to facilitate himself to everything that he needs. And we, compassionate people, somehow fall for them more than once in our lifetime. I married to a selfish man and one of my daughter has the same DNA. My mother and two of my siblings are also selfish. I asked God for wisdom to help me deal with these people and I think I got the answer. We are here for a purpose, make a different in other people’s lives. Change them if we can with love. I’ve been working on my daughter and let her be aware of the consequence of selfishness. I confronted my husband (calmly and lovingly) the reason for our unhappy marriage is from him being selfish. I printed out an article and let him read and analyzed it and he admitted that he didn’t realize how bad it was. I think these people don’t want to be selfish but they don’t know any better. They born with it and no one has helped them grow out of it. I also learned from them not to give too much and to have a good balance of love others and love ourselves. Selfish people are very sensitive themselves. They are easily hurt so they are busy protecting themselves and not thinking about other people. Stay away from these people if you can but if you have to live it them, understand them will make it easier for you to deal with them. And change them if you can so our world will be a better place.

  31. Our culture is a narcissistic one and unfortunately rewards selfishness in spades. The rich, the ‘popular’, politicians, CEOs and the like, are some of the most ruthlessly selfish people alive. The late Steve Jobs was a known pathological narcissist who now everyone can’t stop worshipping. It would be a welcome day when we as a culture abandon this insanity, but in a competitive culture centered entirely around profits, that’s unlikely to happen.

  32. Do as Jesus did and stand up to wrong doing. This is the lesson he gave us and died for. A nasty person is suffering and is unhappy and by standing up to them you will help cure them. By yielding to them you are adding to their pain and that of others.

  33. Many “give” in order to advertise an identity and to maintain a position of power. This is pride, not love, because love empties itself of worldly desires through service, in order to give selflessly. Pride, however, makes “giving” into a form of bribery, in order to get something bigger in return.

  34. This article describes the behavior very well but brushes the solution under the rug. I have ignored the selfish behavior of my brother for years. I compromised, listened to the sly comments and controlling ways. Well it back fired when I refused to do something he wanted me to do in my own house. He had the nerve to confront me about not doing it and when I told him he was being rude he literally snapped. I am not proud of myself for telling him where to get off and how but it was built up. I never should have let his behavior get this out of control with me. I literally had to throw him out of my house for cursing me out and being disrespectful. To add insult to injury when he heard me telling someone of his disrespectful behavior in my house he commented it was a lot that built up to that. Oh really!!!! Bottom line people with this personality will need to be put in place when they first cross the boundaries. You can try your best to do it in a civilized way (I doubt they will listen to reason), but your feeling and dignity is just as important. It does them no good to let them think this is ok. My mate told me that our family has let him get away with this for so long and he is spoiled with this behavior. I will pray for my brother but I will be steadfast by calling him on his BS. I hope he learns something before he pushes everyone away. (He is literally down to less than five friends)

  35. I am convinced “LOVE does not exist, EXCEPT GOD’S. I was born into this world as an orphan with my older sister who is my only blood relative. We grew up in foster homes, survived and became adults and very happy living in Oregon. My older sister gets married and moves to California. I am successful in Oregon employed at a corporation for seven years, just engaged to about to get married and have all my loving friend around me. One day my sister calls me from California, crying and begs me to move to California, she misses me and wants to be close to me, she is having problems in her new marriage. Because my big sister is my only blood relative, I left everything behind and drive in a u haul truck to be with her and live with her once again. I regret today I ever left to move to California. My life has been a roller coaster ever since. I have not spoke to my sister after she abandon me and refuses to talk to me. As I struggle alone and feel derailed. As my sister lives on a million dollar property in Newport Beach Harbor, and has everything, has become the most selfish person on the planet. She has been living her whole live lying her way through about where she comes from who she is and her background. She wants nothing to do with me because she is afraid I will reveal the truth about her to everyone she knows. She is putting her reputation and wealth before her family (her little sister) only blood relative for Money. She has gone out of her way to discredit me incriminate me, and spread lies and gossip about me just in-case I do talk to anyone she knows they will not believe me. I can share desperate and serious lengths she has gone and done to protect herself. (Who thinks of these things? I am just trying to figure out why her behavior is so strange)? I have been crushed and heartbroken for years to the point it has ruined my life? I cry every day. Please can someone shed some light?

  36. Thank you so much for this article. My boyfriend has placed me in hell with his selfishness. Many times i wished to leave but has stayed. Yet, i still don’t understand how i continue to display love to someone that is so hurtful and selfish.

    Do i do the same as he do or do i continue to give. He didn’t even buy me anything for christmas or spend it with me?

    Right now i feel like giving him the boot!!! Instead i took every gift back out of tiredness of his selfish behavior to show him how it felt to be selfish. Not sure if that was the right thing to do but i did.

    HELP!!!

  37. RMJ, you have put it in a nutshell for me. Unfortunately, one of my sons is very selfish, I think learned from his father. He pushes me to my limit and I am ashamed to have ‘lost it’ with him recently. He does not take responsibility for his actions and words and tries to put it on to me because he thinks he can get away with it. As he is my son, I love and care about him, but I feel very upset at times when he appears to have no regard for me. He will have difficulty in his life if he does not learn to become kinder and more considerate. I felt the need to stand up to him firmly (with words) and I stick by that. He does not acknowledge any of the kindness, generosity or personal sacrifice that I have given him gladly. He does not appear to recognise it even! He has intelligence, but lacks emotional maturity.

  38. Consider moving back to Oregon since your sister is that way go back to Oregon where you may likely get back to previous acquaintances rather than being alone in California.
    Consider a church group that would help you out in Oregon and connecting again with folks in the community you love but left. The Internet should help you connect even start chatting again.
    Good Luck !

  39. My comment is directed for Wendy P from CA but was living in Oregon

  40. Hey, just read ur article was very good!! I think im selfish but how do i no and im not sure what to do or how to make up of what I had done!! the reason why I think I’m selfish is because my Dad who is the best Dad ever had been working a long day today asked me to help him with bringing in sofas to the backgarden but I was talking to my friend on the phone. Which I could of just called her back!! and my Mam needs money from the bank that I had owed to her two weeks ago and I haven’t given it back yet!! I really want to sort everything out because I don’t want to hurt my parents friends and family any more if this is possible. I am inscure person so maybe that it one of the reasons why I do these things but I just can’t understand why or how to get rid of my selfishness!! is it possible once I have realised this?
    Thanks!!
    :)

  41. I have to disagree. What is more selfish: you expecting someone to drop what they’re doing to help you, to sacrifice what they may be capable of to help you?

    Most of my life I’ve been subservant to the point where I’ve screwed myself and my own potential. I could be doing much more if I hadn’t stopped to pick up where someone else frankly should’ve helped themselves.

    So, I think it’s more selfish to impose a need on someone than it is to be independent and meet my own needs without demanding anything from anyone else as much as I am able.

  42. P.S., think for yourself… (to some of the posts). Do what _____ says is mental laziness. I applaud the person who wrote this, at least they’re thinking as opposed to just regurgitating. We’re headed in the toilet as a country because of all of this dependence on the few people who are the innovators, the thinkers, the doers.

    The rest of us are leeches holding the rest back… pull your weight and that will bring about a sense of pride which isn’t concieted. That’s what this country was founded on – critical thought, hard work, and creativity – not “do ___ because someone said it was a good idea and I’m too lazy to think about it”.

  43. I am married to a selfish person. My wife has cost me 3 jobs and many friends over the years. When we were first married everything was great. Then she became pregnant with our first child and everything has gone downhill since then. She has been mean, manipulative and a bully since our 2 children have come along. I get up with the kids each morning, get them ready for school and take them 90% of the time, pick them up get supper ready and put them to bed every night. I do about 95% of the housework and try to maintain working in a sales career that also requires 50hrs minimum per week. If I try to express my unhappiness over anything my wife will react 1 of 2 ways, either self blaming saying everything is her fault and why am I still here. Or she will go on the attack and blame me, call me every name in the book and then threaten me with taking my kids away from her, she knows how to keep me on a hook. She only feels better by putting others down. I know the only way to get her attention is to leave, but I can’t leave my kids who are 4 and 5, they are my life. So I have decided misery is for me and I have to handle the bad with the good. But why can’t people understand when they are being hateful?

  44. selfish people are so annoying

  45. Well said Chollie, Who will decide who is selfish, some people are more demanding some are less. Some time we feel pain that the other person doesnot acknowledge us, this acknowledge expectance might be selfishness….Cheers

  46. Hi, thanks a lot, I read your nice article and I agree with you , but (in my opinion) I think it’s not really that easy to make selfish people understand their selfishness. but you’re exactly right , you shouldn’t not run from their damaging traits… I have a roommate who is the same type, I mean he’s selfish, and I have observed all you said and I really behaved him in a nice way and in a lovely way up to now, and it was really effective and helpful , on the other hand, sometimes , (hardy ever i mean) i lost my temper and wondered, who the hell does this guy think he is!!???? why should i be living with such a person?? why is he like this? why and why and why…? so I mean it’s not really easy…
    anyway, thank you for your beautiful article, and I may whoever is selfish , understand their selfishness.
    Regards.
    E.Cartman from southpark

  47. the most frustrating people are the really selfish self-serving ones who constantly expet you to solve all their problems in life, need your help and the help of all your friends, then they complain to you that their sister/husband/parents/whomever they are dealing with in life, “ARE SOOO SELFISH.” You see that piny pinching demanding give only what they feel guilty not giving to others and at some point you just get disgusted and walk away. I know it is a spiritual issue and the people really need to be loved throught this; but it is difficult to remain patient and kind to such a person when they seem so oblivious to how they treat others. Go figure.

  48. I know I am a selfish person, I just don’t realize how it affects the different people in my life!
    Reading your article was so accurate about the person I am.

  49. I found this article to be very accurate! Thank You.

  50. Thank you for an excellent article. As for the ending, setting a good example by being spiritually generous (meaning not just materially) still requires good boundaries (defending your rights) with the selfish. If we are talking about the pathologically selfish, they will not learn from us. They will only take.

  51. Deus X. Nihilo

    June 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    This article gave me a good, hearty laugh. As a proudly selfish, self-serving narcissistic son of a bitch, allow me to explain these selfish traits for all you whiney loser pussbags:

    “All selfish people display a very uncaring attitude and a strong ‘Me first’ trait.”

    You’re goddam right about that. Absolutely. That’s because selfish people act to achieve their own subjective values for themselves. Notice that the blog author blathers on about “needs”. Holy shit, I am sick and f**ing tired with the mindless zombie hordes and their precious “needs”, which usually means their own DESIRE to devour you because they’re too fat and stupid to act in fulfillment of their own chosen values–well, they can’t even choose values in the first place, let alone act to acquire them. This “needs”-based thinking dominates most of the world now and it’s disgusting and repulsive. This is why we selfish pricks hold so many of you in utter contempt. You refuse to grow up.

    “Another trait which selfish and conceited people show is being manipulative, scheming and plotting most of the times.”

    Yes, I do what I must when surrounded by needy, cannibalistic zombies who refuse to think for themselves, which is pretty much 99.8% of the time. They can barely handle the truth without flying into a rage so it becomes necessary to lie to the poor stupid creatures lest they turn on you and start eating you alive with their pathetic neediness. People who insist on being dishonest with themselves and others do not deserve honesty or respect from others. People who REFUSE, yes, utterly REFUSE, to exercise their brains for even just a few minutes a day deserve all the dishonesty and manipulation they get.

    “Low self esteem is another characteristic displayed by selfish people that gives them a negative outlook towards life and making them contemptuous of others in general.”

    Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! “Low self-esteem” is another concept of the feeble-minded dumbasses designed, for all their self-righteous prattling about the self-centeredness of those they envy, to be projected onto people who are having a good time with their life, enjoying success and happiness, things the drooling zombies know they can never achieve because of their own self-obsession, that is, their precious juvenile “need” to make themselves feel better about themselves by devouring the successful and the happy.

    “A selfish person is highly self centered and self obsessed. ”

    Blah, blah, blllaaaahhhhh….

    Hey, I’ll give the zombies a little hint: Actually try to discuss something of real consequence, something that doesn’t involve their paltry little daily problems or their mindless obsession with their favorite TV shows or pop music stars, and selfish narcissists like me might actually listen for a change. But if you insist on constantly trying to focus my attention on the banal, the superficial, the lame, the uninteresting, the “needs” of the mindless zombies, then yes, I will most assuredly tune you out.

    As for me expressing my opinions, it sometimes becomes necessary to put the stupid in their place lest they become convinced their delusions are reality. When they begin acting according to their delusions in ways that threaten me or my livelihood, then you’re goddam right I will speak up and expose their stupidity to humiliate them into shutting the hell up and crawling back to the dirty little hole of neediness where they insist on dwelling. By the way, my doing this spares others much grief they would undoubtedly suffer if these zombies were actually allowed to act on their stupid, vapid ideas. Oh, is that “negative”? (There’s another molly-coddly group therapy code word of the “needy” zombie-cannibals.) Well, so sorry, but stupidity and ignorance need to be called out for what it is rather than be treated as legitimate ideas.

    If your eyes are open and your brain is functional then you should be able to see that this world is DROWNING in bulls**t. All of the stupid ideas adopted by societies in this age of ours–redistributing wealth to the “needy,” treating the intellectually inferior as “equals”, and whatever other idiotic idea that has dominated the modern world–are now bearing the rotten, sour fruit their needy, stupid little planters sowed for us years ago. IF ONLY selfish pricks had spoken up more aggressively when the seeds were first planted all those years ago, if they had simply called the stupid morons and feeble-minded emotional cripples on the carpet and explicitly denounced them and their precious little “needs,” perhaps we would have a much brighter and happier world today.

    Well, namby-pamby loser zombies, thanks for allowing me to shower my pearls of wisdom upon you all. I thoroughly enjoyed the catharsis.

    May you all be happy in the hell you’ve created for yourselves. Me, I’m going to make the best of it by being the most selfish, self-centered, narcissistic prick I can be.

  52. Selfishness is bad !?? You should know that there is “bad” and “good” selfishness.
    Bad selfishness is all what you wrote here, but good selfishness is much more.
    Good selfishness is the road to truth. People should be more selfish, not less selfish. But let me explain the context.

    When I harm another, I feel guilt/remorse – even if it’s an accident. Guilt/remorse do not feel good. Therefore, to prevent myself from feeling unwanted feelings, I try not to harm people and as I go through life, physically or psychologically. My motive is very selfish.

    Those religions that tell you that selfishness is wrong are also the ones who are telling you that it is wrong to look within (where Jesus said the kingdom of heaven lies).

    Of course, one can only hold this position after they have learned how to protect themselves from others and how to manifest their wants and desires (as I have). Selfishly protecting myself (using the power of peaceful thought) is a very selfish thing to do as well.

  53. You would be very wise to get physically away from that abuse! Is there a relative or shelter anywhere you can go to. It might be inconvenient for a time, but your physical and emotional, as well a spiritual well-being are at stake. My mother was murdered by my stepfather almost a year ago and I’m sensing your husband (soon to be X I hope) has a hateful, murderous spirit. It sounds like he had a bad relationship with his mother. Your life is in jeopardy so please get away from the enemy- even when it disguises itself as a friend, relative or intimate partner. He simply must be let GO and put in God’s hands. But you need to get out of the way for Him to deal with your husband and his mistress(es). The key to your survival: Get humbly on your knees in prayer, fast, and read, meditate on and memorize the WORD OF GOD. I’ve fled from abuse and am blessed now and you’ll be highly favored and blessed as well. God shows up mightily for the weak, mistreated underdogs when they exhibit even a mustard seed amount of faith. God bless and heal your soul that the enemy has tried to vex.

  54. @adeline
    You would be very wise to get physically away from that abuse! Is there a relative or shelter anywhere you can go to. It might be inconvenient for a time, but your physical and emotional, as well a spiritual well-being are at stake. My mother was murdered by my stepfather almost a year ago and I’m sensing your husband (soon to be X I hope) has a hateful, murderous spirit. It sounds like he had a bad relationship with his mother. Your life is in jeopardy so please get away from the enemy- even when it disguises itself as a friend, relative or intimate partner. He simply must be let GO and put in God’s hands. But you need to get out of the way for Him to deal with your husband and his mistress(es). The key to your survival: Get humbly on your knees in prayer, fast, and read, meditate on and memorize the WORD OF GOD. I’ve fled from abuse and am blessed now and you’ll be highly favored and blessed as well. God shows up mightily for the weak, mistreated underdogs when they exhibit even a mustard seed amount of faith. God bless and heal your soul that the enemy has tried to vex.

  55. You are on the money in all ways except as to the influence an unselfish person can have on them. Not much! These people hurt others for life. Forgive them and move on. That’s often the best answer. Wish it weren’t so.

  56. I feel better knowing others are like me in having to put up with a spouse that is so very difficult to live with. For 31 years I have persavered. I have learned to ignore the hateful nasty words for the most part. When these type of people show their true colors I try to keep my mouth shut and try to distance myself. It took a lot of years to figure that out. I hope to have peace one day. Good luck to sell of you in the same situation!

  57. I so agree with all of the comments on selfish people. I am married now 25 years to one, I tried to leave but he threatened suicide by hanging himself in the house. So for the sake of my beautiful children 18 and 14, I stay, and because I do not want anyone driven to that.
    For me, the constant struggle with his lazy, tight behaviour means I pay 90% of everything the family needs, support my children and run some rental houses to survive.
    This year, am completing an MSC in Business and Enterprise for me. Its hard to remain focused, positive and strong but I have to try for the girls….

  58. This article is so true, my husband is selfishness personified just at the tender stage of marriage and in so much hurt as a result of this young man’s attitutude. He has never supported me in achieving one meaningful thing in life, i have given up family, friends,career,business,money, time, energy you name it just to satisfy this big baby like a whole that never gets full. I am presently pregnant and I have taken certain decisions which I will carryout once I put to bed by God’s grace. I have had it. Tanx

  59. I like this article. I have a sister with all of these traits including meanness, which one of the commentators added here. She is one of the deadliest persons you’d ever want to meet. Her husband died at a young age at her mercy, having been de-balled first. The poor guy had no self esteem by the time he passed. She always manipulates circumstances and events to suit herself. A person (her husband) can give and give and give and she takes and takes and takes and never gives any thing in return. Sometimes she will say thanks, and thats about it. I learned a long time ago not to ever give her jack shit because she just thinks she deserves it and feels no obligation to give you anything in return. That penny-pinching-hoarding-selfish-controlling-manipulative C deserves hell.

  60. Your entire article is just speaking what the choir(public) already known.Whether due to there own biased or not. Your article have not broken any new ground.
    What do you call people who’re too weak to be selfish…and therefore they’ve to be ‘good’ so that they can get help and comfort from other people?Are they truly good,or are they good out of necessity to survive and be happy?
    In conclusion, Your entire article shows selfishness from a very biased point of view. You don’t talk about selfish people who’re not willing to hurt others since there ‘selfishness’ in following there own ‘selfish’ code of arms disallowed it.
    Selfish people have to control everything?!? What does that have to do with selfishness. That has to do with self-confidence and self-esteem and even circumstances.Someone who is extremely confidence or enjoy life struggles can be selfish and face no discomfort in not being in control. You simply can just put your prejudice into an article and make other believe its true. Finally you actually use society scorned as a reason for the selfish person to change?Heroes and many great people are misunderstood by society and scorned because of them being ahead of there times.You using society scorned as a reason not to be selfish.

    Simply means that selfish people can JUST PRETEND TO NOT be selfish and act good and get what they want from being good. Nothing change, except now they are respected for being pseudo-selfish(inwardly) good.

    Simply because they’re selfish.Doesn’t mean they’re weak,strong,evil,good, secure,insecure,brave,coward, or any of those things you talk about. I can be selfish and be good. I can be selfish and be insecure. This world is not so simply that you misguided believe is correct.

  61. Unfortunately, selfishness is natural for some. The same way that being generous is natural to others. These traits absolutely describe a young woman I worked with when I was younger. It ruined my job and I eventually quit. It was one of those deals where we were forced to work together. When her life was good, everything was fine. When she was angry at the world or angry about some break up, guess who caught hell? My only regret is that I did’nt scream at her, but I was a young man just starting my career. I don’t mean this to try to burden anyone, but sometimes selfish people need the whip. Take something away from them. Maybe take yourself away from them. They don’t respect words. Action is the best way to teach them a lesson. I speak from experience. Empty threats mean nothing to them. Trust me, they will never change. They are seeing how far they can push you and take advantage of your kindness. All the best.

  62. Hi, thank you for this very good article. It’s good in that it points out what’s true of all mankind. We are selfish people; some less than others, but all are guilty. I’m writing b/c someone said the reason “Jesus died was to stand up to wrong.” That’s not true. The reason He died was for our sins (including selfishness; which springs from self-centeredness). His blood paid for our sins, and He rose again to give eternal life to those who recognize their need, turn to God and receive Him by faith.

  63. The Him is Jesus. God demonstrated His love for us in that while we were yet in rebellion to Him, His Son died for us (Romans 5:8).

  64. This is an exaggerated (categorization) of something that is present within everyone. Of course, some people possess such characteristics to extreme extents, but I don’t half laugh when I hear people talking about “those selfish people” as if they’re some other entity which are separate to the rest of us “normal” or “selfless” people. Hahahaha.

    Have you never been a little bit selfish? Selfishness is actually contagious, because it’s always justified with something along the lines of “Well, they were being selfish first.” Or “No one cares about my needs for me, so why should I care about theirs?” The truth is, few people are actually 100% selfish. Most people, upon realising the sort of thoughts / behaviour they’re capable of, would cringe. I would go as far as to say that all of the people who give off these selfish appearances grew up alongside other selfish people, so developed their fight for power and control – “no one else looks after me so I have to do it myself!!”

    Of course, all this is an illusion and the moment you start being selfish, all those negative thoughts about how little everyone else cares about you, what you have to say, your efforts to help, your opinions and belief, are reinforced by their reaction to your egotystical attitude.

    In response to Valeria; children ARE actually born selfish – they learn not to be, ideally by example and if not, by observing facts throughout their life. Some adults still have tantrums. To label a child as selfish is assuming their awareness can never grow, and also you imply that you have never exhibited those traits; you are different; you are better. That failure to acknowledge is selfish in itself.

    We are all the same, we all trust when we’re accepted. We all respond to love, all deserve a chance, and some respect. Bad behavior only results from a lack of these things. The answer is in accepting the future’s children, loving them, and having patience despite how tough and unfair life can be. Be stong and don’t pity yourself!

  65. Sir/Madam,

    How to change selfish husband …please provide me the solution…

  66. Psychopaths make up between 1-4% of our human species. In the past the insanely selfish were needed for human evolution. But as in all of modern life, our human evolution has not kept up with technological advancement. Not all psychopaths are serial killers. Indeed, most psychopaths are not interested in your life, they are interested in your money first, and then anything else you might have that will enrich their lives. Successful psychopaths can be found in corporations, politics, religion, government, Wall Street, anywhere power and money is brokered. Our societies need an effective test (DNA?) to identify suspected psychopaths and then monitor their behavior accordingly. To fail to do so, out of reasons of “love” or “justice”, fails to acknowledge the pathology of psycopathy. You can not “outsmart” these individuals, they do not feel the way a normal person feels. get it? think Alexander, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin, Cheney, Oral Roberts.

  67. I kind of agree. My younger sister has it in her head shes this pretty thing everybody likes. Shes developed this selfish complex. I think my mom is the reason because shes always allowing her to act selfish with food, disrespectful towards m, it all stems from how shes being raised. Mom lets her be a selfish bitch,…..shes just a younger version of my mom. Too bad shes gonna learn her life lessons the hard way because my mom isnt showing her how to be a real person. Ju as t someone who gets by on looks. Fix it mom.

  68. So as it turns out, I’m selfish. Anyone else riding the same wagon?

  69. my partner lived with me and then moved out when I was pregnant.
    he had lived with his parents and then moved back in with them..nearly 50.
    I am an older mother..when we first set up home I lived on my own for two weeks after he said he didn’t know if he could adjust.. it was him who wanted us to live together.
    well we had an argument and he threw something at me..yes I was angry.
    I smacked the back of his head just the once and not hard.
    he then came at me grabbing my throat and I ended up in hospital that night with a knife wound in my arm..his dad took me and dropped me off or should I say dumped me and went.
    I then found out I was pregnant and miscarried not long after..he sat on my stomach and hurt me..i wouldn’t give in to him.
    I got hit a few times after and was in hospital..some of it.
    further to this I worked .came home and did the housework and held another part time job.
    he went to the allotments as soon as I walked in the door from work.
    he hardly ever payed for anything took from me and his mum.
    I went to the scans on my own. yet he was there at the birth.
    he never helps me and i’m bringing up our child on my own and exhausted.
    he doesn’t help me with money or trats for the little one.
    yet I have bought him lots.
    I know try and not communicate but he wont leave us be..
    as soon as I say anything he makes nasty vile comments and that im no good as a mother..yet where is he as a father.
    he doesn’t like it because I speak back and stick up for myself..yet he insults me..and said he threw the fathers days cards I sent in the bin.
    tomorrow he will be nice for 5 mins but wont help us.
    I used to be happy and bubbly and always cared for others.
    now im unhappy a lot and not bubbly unless my little makes me smile.
    I have just spoke to him on the phone and said why send me nasty texts running me down then chat to me and you are trying to sound nice as if you forgot.
    he said I did the same and stop sounding aggressive to him.
    this time I put phone down as all he did was laugh at the top of his head.
    he has always been selfish his mother suppliments his money he wants he doesn’t work. but has never told me his real problem..and wont.
    I read an article last week called living or being with a progressive agrivator..or progressive agrivation.. its all about being totally focus on them selves and their needs and they show you no love and only around you when they want but will go when they have.. they pretend so they can achieve what they want.
    lack of feelings lack of love growing up..and always blaming others as they are never wrong..i’m now learning to step back a little and by showing him everyday I don’t want us he is bitter..but he still wont go totally.
    if he doesn’t want me then why doesn’t he go..as someone said no one else would put up with it or him and he has no one else.

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